You can’t say it, but you know it’s true. It is an honor to be here at my last — and perhaps the last — White House Correspondents’ Dinner.
You all look great. The end of the Republic has never looked better. I do apologize — I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on C. It’s a tip for you, Jeff. Anyway, here we are. My eighth and final appearance at this unique event. And I am excited. If this material works well, I’m going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year.
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Earn me some serious Tubmans. My brilliant and beautiful wife, Michelle, is here tonight. She looks so happy to be here. That’s called practice — it’s like learning to do three-minute planks.
She makes it look easy now. Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be. But standing here, I can’t help but be reflective, a little sentimental. Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics.
In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific. Eight years ago, I was a young man, full of idealism and vigor, and look at me now. I am gray and grizzled, just counting down the days ’til my death panel.
Hillary once questioned whether I’d be ready for a 3 a.